Granny's Sex Advice

SPECIAL VALENTINE’S MESSAGE FROM GRANNY

Before I begin doling out sex advice, I’ll state my qualifications: One, I’m experienced. This will be my 50th year of having sex (not continuously). Two: Granny is no prude – I invented the lap dance in the front seat of a 1957 Chevy at the Olympic Drive-In. Later I was a foot soldier during the sexual revolution. I got crabs at Woodstock so that the next generation of women could enjoy randomly giving away the milk without making him buy the cow. So, please, have some respect.

Fellow women - want to know how to get men to stop hating Valentine’s Day? Make it free. Free him of the torture of buying you a gift or a fancy dinner. Be the first on your block to reward your First Dude with this Get-Out-of-Valentine’s Day-Free Card.

MY PLAN

HIM: All he has to do is come home, take a shower and follow you into the bedroom (Believe me you will get no argument).

YOU: All you have to do is all the work; but you’re used to it. Valentine’s Night, you cannot go wrong giving him his own private Victoria’s Secret fashion show. “But Granny,” you’re whining, “what if I look more like Kirsty Ally than Paris Hilton?” Not a problem. Two things all men like (whether they know it or not) - black and lace. Comes in all sizes. Still too fat? There’s an app for that – it’s called the 25-watt bulb.

Trust Granny on this: Spice it up and he will be like putty in your hands and vice versa. After your show, let nature take its course and a good time will be had by all. Spice it up and Valentine’s Day will become BOTH your favorite holiday! Spice it up!  ***

Palin's Crib Notes

So many current events this week that could have been cartoons - but then the MOST recent is always the best.  I'm sure I'm one of many who will be taking off on this delicious idea.  And we're all glad Palin's back!  She can deliver,  at least where comedy is concerned.

Underwear Bomber

After taking criticism for Miranda-ing the Underpants Bomber, I LOVED the recent news that the whacko sang like a bird  after Obama sent for his parents.  So much for Bushie-Woo waterboarding!

Biggest problem was getting 5 people and lots of dialogue into such a small space.  Took me all day.   Now I just noticed the table is wrong. Well, I hope you laugh anyway.

Toyota Recall

Once I settled on the Toyota recall as my event d jour, I toyed with the idea of  a car driving off a cliff and their cell phone playing a message from the Toyota My Car Won't Stop helpline, but that became a joke about the hell of phone menus.

Then I tried Thelma and Louise driving off the cliff, but everybody remembers they were in a Mustang so that was out.

Then I thought about the talking cars in the Disney movie and what they might say. Did I get a chuckle? I hope so.

State of the Union

My favorite editorial cartoons are those that combine two current events.  Here I mixed Obama's triumphant State of the Union message last night with the image of the darling Haiti boy who was pulled from the rubble after a week. 

HAUNTING ME: Was it a mistake to use a 10 day old image? Have people forgotten? Do I watch way more 24 hr news than the average person and not everybody saw this boy?

Love your comments! Karyl

24 HR. News Monster

Hardest thing about doing current events cartoons is the events become dated right after you finish the drawing.  For instance: I had to change the titles on the "food" this AM. Haiti was always on the top - being the first story we will abandon.  The second food I had was JUICY BOOK O POLITICAL GOSSIP.  The third was LOVE-CHILD DNA. And the fourth was TIGER SPOTTED.  I better post this before another news story along.
Thanks for your comments!

Final PLAN B ... for now

Video: See Beany and her young stud muffin Jack skate.

http://www.youtube.com/karylsvideos

Yes fiends, this is the last installment of PLAN B... for now!

What's going to happen with Beany and her young crush?

Well there's lot's more to that story!

But as of Friday I'm going to begin posting (on GoComics.com)  Beany's

PLAN B backstory because there are so many new PLAN B subscribers.
Let me know if you want off the Email list - no hard feelings.

Thank you for your many comments and Emails of encouragment. ( MORE)

Now - in answer to the questions Is Jack, Jack? And is Beany me?
Well, yes and no. Jack and I DID meet at a roller skating rink and yes,
that's us skating in the video. Another fiftish woman skater friend said
that "the spinning guy," kept watching me.  I happened to be wearing
a little plaid skating skirt. I later found out a "Catholic schoolgirl on skates,"
was Jack's greatest sexual fantasy. I decided he was too young, but still kept
watching him too, and eventually I got over it.

Stay tuned

Karyl

Haiti Quake

Hi friends,
Thought I'd take another occasional crack at topical subjects, so here's the first one I've done in a year!
Karyl

San Diego Snowman

San Diego Snowman

Took this a few days ago on our beach.  Ain't he cute?

Plan B week 1

Friends,  Beany's story "The Plan B" continues, but for those who have not seen it,

I am posting the original 6 weeks here so you can catch up.  Your feedback is so

important to me.  I'm dying to know if you find the characters and story compelling,

so keep those comments coming.  TIA!  Karyl

CLICK PIC TO ENLARGE!

Halloween Pumpkin 2009

Here's a pumpkin Jack and I created for Nicks at the Beach 2009 Pumpkin Carving Contest.  Of course we're from the Non-Violent Mr. Potato Head School of Vegetatian pumpkin carving, so we're not sure if we won or were disqualified.
GORY DETAILS
Hair = carrotts
Eyes = potato slices
Pupils = prunes
Nose = cucumber
Mouth = red pepper slice
Teeth = Scallions
Ears = orange slices
Earrings = mushrooms
Eyebrows = scallion tops
Goatee = broccoli






The competators (could be the four finalists!
Pumpkin on end is a pig.

Notice the resemblance?

One Happy Governor

Plan B - 6 weeks beginning today

All 6 weeks of Plan B are finished and await your comments. Thank you for your many kind words and support of this idea and character. It's been a blast! Please go to http://www.comicssherpa.com/site/feature?uc_comic=csfhy&uc_full_date=20090420
to rate it, leave comments or sign up for daily free delivery of all 36 days. THE MORE, THE MERRIER!
TIA Karyl

Plan B on my wall

36 days of Plan B.
Today wallpaper, tomorrow, a syndicated strip?

Plan B - Beany's Nightmare

Beany has a nightmare after running into a former co-worker. I really appreciate your comments so keep um coming! Karyl

Plan B - Beany's Job Interview #3

Recessionally challenged Beany is trying to hold her own in a job interview.

Plan B - Beany's Interview part 2

Hi Friends, CLICK TO ENLARGE.
Here's the second installment of my new webcomic strip "Plan B." about a recessionally challenged downsized copywriter living in beautful beachy San Diego. I 'm mixing it in occasionally with my daily ed. webcomic "American Toon" since they are sort of related in subject matter. Comments are welcome! Karyl

Plan B - Beany's Job Interview

Introducing my new occasional webcomic strip "Plan B." the adventures of a recessionally challenged downsized copywriter hanging on by the shorthairs in beautiful beachy San Diego. Any resemblence to me is purely coincidental. Trust me, I COULD make this up. Let me know if you're at all intrigued. CLICK PIC to enlarge. Hit back button to return and leave comment. Thanx. Karyl

Stimulus Signed

Obama's Presidents Day

Pelosi Valentine

Obama Valentine

Lincoln's Birthday

How Obama Can Win Republican Votes

HOW OBAMA CAN WIN REPUBLICAN VOTES
by
Karyl Miller
MillerReport.blogspot.com
2.11.2009

Okay this is going to sound really stupid, but I’ve figured out an obvious and simple way to get Republicans to vote with Democrats on the Stim Package (and everything else from now on)! My first thought was Obama missed his big chance at his Bi-Partisan Super Bowl party: He should have fed the Repubs Ecstasy laced nachos. But then I realized A. They would have slept it off by voting time, and B. There’s probably some law against it, and C. The Republicans shouldn’t have been invited to Obama’s party at all.

What - say you? Exclusion’s not the Democratic way! We’re the truly bi-partisan ones – or aspire to be. That’s what we love Obama; he embraces his enemies. I admit I know bupkes about Washington. But applying the show business logic I learned in the trenches of Hollywood, I’m guessing what really happens in congress, happens away from congress with a Jim Beam in your hand. Being invited to the best parties is the coin of the realm. Before the Bi-Partisan White House Super Bowl party, I can just imagine the jockeying, the Emails and gossip about who was and who wasn’t going to be invited. I’m surprised cell phone towers didn’t melt just from the activity.

Just think of the parent brownie points you could earn for bringing your offspring to the White House to eat pizza and chill with the First Daughters! That’s something they can brag about at Show and Tell for the next 70 years. “I was part of history at the first Obama White House Super Bowl Party. Nya.” Nya, indeed.

COOL PARTIES AT THE White House are Obama’s ace in the hole and he’s been squandering it, bending over backwards and being nice to his enemies… and what good did it do? Why should Republicans who DON’T vote with Obama be rewarded with the same cool party invitations as people who DO vote with him?

Let’s face it everybody: A beer with the boss is a golden opportunity. From now on I say make the Republicans work for their invitations. The RULES: If you want to be part of the IN crowd, you’ve got to kiss up to us, like voting our way.

Were the three Republicans who voted for the Stimulus Package guests at Obama’s Super Bowl Party? If so, they and only they understood the true meeting of Quid Pro Quo. All others who partook of the bi-partisan guacamole and voted No should be taken off the White House invitation list immediately! No more kicking back with the most powerful man on the planet. No more pitching your state’s particular stimulus needs over a brewski with the leader of the free world. As Heidi would say: You are out!

So that’s my Bi-Partisan Congressional Unity Plan. Note to the WH party planning person: Delete all Republicans (except the three who voted with us) from all future parties until they learn their lesson.

--30--

Economic Stimulus Package #4

Believe It or Not - Mom of Six

Mom of 6 Has 8 More

Economy - Americans Cut Back

Friends I hope this isn't another head-scratcher. Jack was not even mildly amused, but he didn't know what the grotto referred to. I think it's funny, but then, I made it up. How about you? Do you get it? PS Thanx for your previous input. Luv yer comments! Karyl

The Presidency Day 16

Folks this 'toon came out of a discussion Jack and I had last night. Dying to know what you make out of this image. TIA for your comments. Karyl

Job losses

Phelps - Breakfast of Champions

Vaginas, Brains NOT Communicating?!

Vaginas, Brains NOT Communicating?! *
By
Karyl Miller
2/2/2009
MillerReport.blogspot.com

Do Women still say no when their vaginas say yes? And, could the reverse be true? I recently read an article in the New York Times about a university study done to determine the human mind-genitalia connection. For the test, men wore some sort of wiener-shaped device with electrodes attached. Women had an electrode straw inserted you-know-where.

Anyway, once wired-up and plugged in they were shown short sexy videos. Their physical arousal levels were then measured (and here’s where the test gets In-terrresting) while subjects were asked to simultaneously rate their own mental arousal levels.
Men’s and women’s connections between their brains and their genitalia was then analyzed by a team of crack scientists (no pun intended).

THE RESULT: Men’s brains and penises were in 100 % complete agreement, whereas women were all over the map and often rated themselves as not horny despite their vaginas/electrodes saying “Me want nookie nookie now!” (And I’m paraphrasing here.) Somebody got big bucks university grant money to find out SCIENTIFICALLY that a woman isn’t governed by her crotch?! To which I say Duh! I kid you not. Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up!

To review: A lab monkey or in this case a woman, has a foreign object buried in her most private, sensitive and damp region which connects to something e-lec-trical? She’s lying in a cold, sterile, brightly lit hospital-y lab. She’s wearing (one assumes) no bottoms of any kind. She’s supposed to watch porno videos and surrender to her lust while a cadre of scientists wait breathlessly on the other side of the glass for her muffin to heat up. And she wasn’t mentally aroused?

Science wants to know: If the vagina says yes and the brain says no, Why? Every woman knows if your brain says no, it probably has a very good reason. No matter how cute our vagina thinks a guy is – our brain says “Wait. Be careful. First find out if the monkey is tamed.” It’s common knowledge that for a woman’s brain and vagina to be in complete agreement, everything must be perfect: Lights down low. Door locked. Sheets clean. Music soft. TV off. Everyone freshly showered. Dog outside. Nobody ate onions or beans. She doesn’t feel bloated or fat. Etc. Etc. Etc.

There was study a bunch of years ago (you can Google it – I don’t have time) where they found out that men thought about sex every 12 seconds whereas women thought about sex every New Year’s Eve. My theory about why men think about sex so much more often: Men look at and touch their wee wees every day to pee so they’re constantly reminded of sex. Conversely, women never see their genitalia unless they squat over a hand mirror. I haven’t seen mine in years. There’s no reason to look.

Next time a university wants to throw millions of research dollars at the subject “What Women Want,” they can just give me a call. I’ll tell them everything they want to know for half the price.

*No facts were checked in the writing of this article.

--30--

Economic Stimulus Bill

Were the Huxtables THIS boring?

Were the Huxtables THIS boring?
by Karyl Miller
1/29/2009
MillerReport.blogspot.com

As all writers/couch potatoes and shut-ins know - when a story we’ve been following 24/7 on CNN winds down there’s a horrible letdown. So bye - bye Palin. Bye - bye W and all the big bad Bushies. I wanted them to go. Nay, I PRAYED for them to be gone. But now that they’re history, well, I miss them. These were assholes you could count on for your morning cup O’ rage, which I needed to draw my cartoon about. Now that our side got elected, I’m lost. Forgive me, but I have no experience in NOT being mad as hell all day.

Inauguration Day was like Christmas for Democrats. There were parties. Everybody was so stoked. But now Christmas is over and sadly, everything is going our way. We’ve had a fantastic first week: Gitmo’s closing; teaching contraception in 3rd world countries is allowed again; the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act was signed this AM by the President - yay! Things could not be better (or more boring). And what we are left with are the smart, beautiful and charming Huxtables – I mean Obama family. What’s a curmudgeon cartoonist to do?

--30--

First Daughters

Hi Friends, I'm trying a new look today - more like typical ed. 'toons

seen in the newspaper. What do you think? Karyl

Stimulus Package II

Friends, Thank you for all your comments - both positive and negative, so keep 'em coming. Do it here http://www.millerreport.blogspot.com .
I made it even easier. Karyl

Stimulus Package

American 'Toon cartoon # 4

American 'Toon cartoon # 3

Yup, apparently the White House is still haunted...

American 'Toon cartoon #2

Love your opinions. Keep 'um coming! Karyl

American 'Toon cartoon #1

Yes it's me and I'm back at it! I do this for the feedback so PLEASE leave a comment on this website. Just click Comments and type in the little box provided! It's

that easy. TIA Karyl

Beyond The Palin Cartoon # 41

Hi Folks,

I just couldn't resist. Is it bad taste? I thought since nobody was killed in the crash it was funny, or at least timely.

Karyl

Yes We Did cartoon # 40

Hi friends! Thanks to all of you who wrote and said you missed me and my 'toons. I'm back, but not on a daily basis. But I am SO HAPPY, SO HOPEFUL that the horrible reign of the assholes, liars, torturers, war profiteers and ignorers of our Constitution is OVER! I love your comments, so keep um coming. Karyl

Yes we did! cartoon # 39

Beyond the Palin cartoon # 38

Beyond the Palin cartoon # 37