Wednesday, February 11, 2009

How Obama Can Win Republican Votes

Karyl Miller

Okay this is going to sound really stupid, but I’ve figured out an obvious and simple way to get Republicans to vote with Democrats on the Stim Package (and everything else from now on)! My first thought was Obama missed his big chance at his Bi-Partisan Super Bowl party: He should have fed the Repubs Ecstasy laced nachos. But then I realized A. They would have slept it off by voting time, and B. There’s probably some law against it, and C. The Republicans shouldn’t have been invited to Obama’s party at all.

What - say you? Exclusion’s not the Democratic way! We’re the truly bi-partisan ones – or aspire to be. That’s what we love Obama; he embraces his enemies. I admit I know bupkes about Washington. But applying the show business logic I learned in the trenches of Hollywood, I’m guessing what really happens in congress, happens away from congress with a Jim Beam in your hand. Being invited to the best parties is the coin of the realm. Before the Bi-Partisan White House Super Bowl party, I can just imagine the jockeying, the Emails and gossip about who was and who wasn’t going to be invited. I’m surprised cell phone towers didn’t melt just from the activity.

Just think of the parent brownie points you could earn for bringing your offspring to the White House to eat pizza and chill with the First Daughters! That’s something they can brag about at Show and Tell for the next 70 years. “I was part of history at the first Obama White House Super Bowl Party. Nya.” Nya, indeed.

COOL PARTIES AT THE White House are Obama’s ace in the hole and he’s been squandering it, bending over backwards and being nice to his enemies… and what good did it do? Why should Republicans who DON’T vote with Obama be rewarded with the same cool party invitations as people who DO vote with him?

Let’s face it everybody: A beer with the boss is a golden opportunity. From now on I say make the Republicans work for their invitations. The RULES: If you want to be part of the IN crowd, you’ve got to kiss up to us, like voting our way.

Were the three Republicans who voted for the Stimulus Package guests at Obama’s Super Bowl Party? If so, they and only they understood the true meeting of Quid Pro Quo. All others who partook of the bi-partisan guacamole and voted No should be taken off the White House invitation list immediately! No more kicking back with the most powerful man on the planet. No more pitching your state’s particular stimulus needs over a brewski with the leader of the free world. As Heidi would say: You are out!

So that’s my Bi-Partisan Congressional Unity Plan. Note to the WH party planning person: Delete all Republicans (except the three who voted with us) from all future parties until they learn their lesson.