Here's a pumpkin Jack and I created for Nicks at the Beach 2009 Pumpkin Carving Contest. Of course we're from the Non-Violent Mr. Potato Head School of Vegetatian pumpkin carving, so we're not sure if we won or were disqualified.
Hair = carrotts
Eyes = potato slices
Pupils = prunes
Nose = cucumber
Mouth = red pepper slice
Teeth = Scallions
Ears = orange slices
Earrings = mushrooms
Eyebrows = scallion tops
Goatee = broccoli
The competators (could be the four finalists!
Pumpkin on end is a pig.
Hi Friends, CLICK TO ENLARGE. Here's the second installment of my new webcomic strip "Plan B." about a recessionally challenged downsized copywriter living in beautful beachy San Diego. I 'm mixing it in occasionally with my daily ed. webcomic "American Toon" since they are sort of related in subject matter. Comments are welcome! Karyl
Introducing my new occasional webcomic strip "Plan B." the adventures of a recessionally challenged downsized copywriter hanging on by the shorthairs in beautiful beachy San Diego. Any resemblence to me is purely coincidental. Trust me, I COULD make this up. Let me know if you're at all intrigued. CLICK PIC to enlarge. Hit back button to return and leave comment. Thanx. Karyl
HOW OBAMA CAN WIN REPUBLICAN VOTES by Karyl Miller MillerReport.blogspot.com 2.11.2009
Okay this is going to sound really stupid, but I’ve figured out an obvious and simple way to get Republicans to vote with Democrats on the Stim Package (and everything else from now on)! My first thought was Obama missed his big chance at his Bi-Partisan Super Bowl party: He should have fed the Repubs Ecstasy laced nachos. But then I realized A. They would have slept it off by voting time, and B. There’s probably some law against it, and C. The Republicans shouldn’t have been invited to Obama’s party at all.
What - say you? Exclusion’s not the Democratic way! We’re the truly bi-partisan ones – or aspire to be. That’s what we love Obama; he embraces his enemies. I admit I know bupkes about Washington. But applying the show business logic I learned in the trenches of Hollywood, I’m guessing what really happens in congress, happens away from congress with a Jim Beam in your hand. Being invited to the best parties is the coin of the realm. Before the Bi-Partisan White House Super Bowl party, I can just imagine the jockeying, the Emails and gossip about who was and who wasn’t going to be invited. I’m surprised cell phone towers didn’t melt just from the activity.
Just think of the parent brownie points you could earn for bringing your offspring to the White House to eat pizza and chill with the First Daughters! That’s something they can brag about at Show and Tell for the next 70 years. “I was part of history at the first Obama White House Super Bowl Party. Nya.” Nya, indeed.
COOL PARTIES AT THE White House are Obama’s ace in the hole and he’s been squandering it, bending over backwards and being nice to his enemies… and what good did it do? Why should Republicans who DON’T vote with Obama be rewarded with the same cool party invitations as people who DO vote with him?
Let’s face it everybody: A beer with the boss is a golden opportunity. From now on I say make the Republicans work for their invitations. The RULES: If you want to be part of the IN crowd, you’ve got to kiss up to us, like voting our way.
Were the three Republicans who voted for the Stimulus Package guests at Obama’s Super Bowl Party? If so, they and only they understood the true meeting of Quid Pro Quo. All others who partook of the bi-partisan guacamole and voted No should be taken off the White House invitation list immediately! No more kicking back with the most powerful man on the planet. No more pitching your state’s particular stimulus needs over a brewski with the leader of the free world. As Heidi would say: You are out!
So that’s my Bi-Partisan Congressional Unity Plan. Note to the WH party planning person: Delete all Republicans (except the three who voted with us) from all future parties until they learn their lesson.
Friends I hope this isn't another head-scratcher. Jack was not even mildly amused, but he didn't know what the grotto referred to. I think it's funny, but then, I made it up. How about you? Do you get it? PS Thanx for your previous input. Luv yer comments! Karyl
Do Women still say no when their vaginas say yes? And, could the reverse be true? I recently read an article in the New York Times about a university study done to determine the human mind-genitalia connection. For the test, men wore some sort of wiener-shaped device with electrodes attached. Women had an electrode straw inserted you-know-where.
Anyway, once wired-up and plugged in they were shown short sexy videos. Their physical arousal levels were then measured (and here’s where the test gets In-terrresting) while subjects were asked to simultaneously rate their own mental arousal levels. Men’s and women’s connections between their brains and their genitalia was then analyzed by a team of crack scientists (no pun intended).
THE RESULT: Men’s brains and penises were in 100 % complete agreement, whereas women were all over the map and often rated themselves as not horny despite their vaginas/electrodes saying “Me want nookie nookie now!” (And I’m paraphrasing here.) Somebody got big bucks university grant money to find out SCIENTIFICALLY that a woman isn’t governed by her crotch?! To which I say Duh! I kid you not. Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up!
To review: A lab monkey or in this case a woman, has a foreign object buried in her most private, sensitive and damp region which connects to something e-lec-trical? She’s lying in a cold, sterile, brightly lit hospital-y lab. She’s wearing (one assumes) no bottoms of any kind. She’s supposed to watch porno videos and surrender to her lust while a cadre of scientists wait breathlessly on the other side of the glass for her muffin to heat up. And she wasn’t mentally aroused?
Science wants to know: If the vagina says yes and the brain says no, Why? Every woman knows if your brain says no, it probably has a very good reason. No matter how cute our vagina thinks a guy is – our brain says “Wait. Be careful. First find out if the monkey is tamed.” It’s common knowledge that for a woman’s brain and vagina to be in complete agreement, everything must be perfect: Lights down low. Door locked. Sheets clean. Music soft. TV off. Everyone freshly showered. Dog outside. Nobody ate onions or beans. She doesn’t feel bloated or fat. Etc. Etc. Etc.
There was study a bunch of years ago (you can Google it – I don’t have time) where they found out that men thought about sex every 12 seconds whereas women thought about sex every New Year’s Eve. My theory about why men think about sex so much more often: Men look at and touch their wee wees every day to pee so they’re constantly reminded of sex. Conversely, women never see their genitalia unless they squat over a hand mirror. I haven’t seen mine in years. There’s no reason to look.
Next time a university wants to throw millions of research dollars at the subject “What Women Want,” they can just give me a call. I’ll tell them everything they want to know for half the price.
*No facts were checked in the writing of this article.
As all writers/couch potatoes and shut-ins know - when a story we’ve been following 24/7 on CNN winds down there’s a horrible letdown. So bye - bye Palin. Bye - bye W and all the big bad Bushies. I wanted them to go. Nay, I PRAYED for them to be gone. But now that they’re history, well, I miss them. These were assholes you could count on for your morning cup O’ rage, which I needed to draw my cartoon about. Now that our side got elected, I’m lost. Forgive me, but I have no experience in NOT being mad as hell all day.
Inauguration Day was like Christmas for Democrats. There were parties. Everybody was so stoked. But now Christmas is over and sadly, everything is going our way. We’ve had a fantastic first week: Gitmo’s closing; teaching contraception in 3rd world countries is allowed again; the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act was signed this AM by the President - yay! Things could not be better (or more boring). And what we are left with are the smart, beautiful and charming Huxtables – I mean Obama family. What’s a curmudgeon cartoonist to do?
Hi friends! Thanks to all of you who wrote and said you missed me and my 'toons. I'm back, but not on a daily basis. But I am SO HAPPY, SO HOPEFUL that the horrible reign of the assholes, liars, torturers, war profiteers and ignorers of our Constitution is OVER! I love your comments, so keep um coming. Karyl