Open Letter to departing John Boehner.
Goodbye Leaker of the House! Goodbye to your big icy blue watery hound dog eyes. Goodbye to your Cowardly Lion sentimentality, in short, goodbye to your undiagnosed melancholia. Only a man could have gotten away with this much excessive bawling. If you were Jane Boehner, they’d have said you were on the rag, or thrown you in the loony bin or whatever the politically correct term is for the nuthouse these days.
Goodbye to your not-just-for-St. Patrick’s Day Kelly green wide neckties and your swarthy Man Tan skin. You were a clown in men’s clothing and fairly easy to draw. Goodbye to your cigarette smokin’, martini swilling, macho Mad Men persona. Goodbye to your oily Sinatra swagger, your Vitalis hair, your radio announcer baritone and your condescending, mocking attitude. You weren’t the most interesting man in the world, but you were certainly the orangest. I can’t believe I’m going to miss you!