Monday, February 02, 2009
Vaginas, Brains NOT Communicating?!
Vaginas, Brains NOT Communicating?! *
By
Karyl Miller
2/2/2009
MillerReport.blogspot.com
Do Women still say no when their vaginas say yes? And, could the reverse be true? I recently read an article in the New York Times about a university study done to determine the human mind-genitalia connection. For the test, men wore some sort of wiener-shaped device with electrodes attached. Women had an electrode straw inserted you-know-where.
Anyway, once wired-up and plugged in they were shown short sexy videos. Their physical arousal levels were then measured (and here’s where the test gets In-terrresting) while subjects were asked to simultaneously rate their own mental arousal levels.
Men’s and women’s connections between their brains and their genitalia was then analyzed by a team of crack scientists (no pun intended).
THE RESULT: Men’s brains and penises were in 100 % complete agreement, whereas women were all over the map and often rated themselves as not horny despite their vaginas/electrodes saying “Me want nookie nookie now!” (And I’m paraphrasing here.) Somebody got big bucks university grant money to find out SCIENTIFICALLY that a woman isn’t governed by her crotch?! To which I say Duh! I kid you not. Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up!
To review: A lab monkey or in this case a woman, has a foreign object buried in her most private, sensitive and damp region which connects to something e-lec-trical? She’s lying in a cold, sterile, brightly lit hospital-y lab. She’s wearing (one assumes) no bottoms of any kind. She’s supposed to watch porno videos and surrender to her lust while a cadre of scientists wait breathlessly on the other side of the glass for her muffin to heat up. And she wasn’t mentally aroused?
Science wants to know: If the vagina says yes and the brain says no, Why? Every woman knows if your brain says no, it probably has a very good reason. No matter how cute our vagina thinks a guy is – our brain says “Wait. Be careful. First find out if the monkey is tamed.” It’s common knowledge that for a woman’s brain and vagina to be in complete agreement, everything must be perfect: Lights down low. Door locked. Sheets clean. Music soft. TV off. Everyone freshly showered. Dog outside. Nobody ate onions or beans. She doesn’t feel bloated or fat. Etc. Etc. Etc.
There was study a bunch of years ago (you can Google it – I don’t have time) where they found out that men thought about sex every 12 seconds whereas women thought about sex every New Year’s Eve. My theory about why men think about sex so much more often: Men look at and touch their wee wees every day to pee so they’re constantly reminded of sex. Conversely, women never see their genitalia unless they squat over a hand mirror. I haven’t seen mine in years. There’s no reason to look.
Next time a university wants to throw millions of research dollars at the subject “What Women Want,” they can just give me a call. I’ll tell them everything they want to know for half the price.
*No facts were checked in the writing of this article.
--30--
By
Karyl Miller
2/2/2009
MillerReport.blogspot.com
Do Women still say no when their vaginas say yes? And, could the reverse be true? I recently read an article in the New York Times about a university study done to determine the human mind-genitalia connection. For the test, men wore some sort of wiener-shaped device with electrodes attached. Women had an electrode straw inserted you-know-where.
Anyway, once wired-up and plugged in they were shown short sexy videos. Their physical arousal levels were then measured (and here’s where the test gets In-terrresting) while subjects were asked to simultaneously rate their own mental arousal levels.
Men’s and women’s connections between their brains and their genitalia was then analyzed by a team of crack scientists (no pun intended).
THE RESULT: Men’s brains and penises were in 100 % complete agreement, whereas women were all over the map and often rated themselves as not horny despite their vaginas/electrodes saying “Me want nookie nookie now!” (And I’m paraphrasing here.) Somebody got big bucks university grant money to find out SCIENTIFICALLY that a woman isn’t governed by her crotch?! To which I say Duh! I kid you not. Folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up!
To review: A lab monkey or in this case a woman, has a foreign object buried in her most private, sensitive and damp region which connects to something e-lec-trical? She’s lying in a cold, sterile, brightly lit hospital-y lab. She’s wearing (one assumes) no bottoms of any kind. She’s supposed to watch porno videos and surrender to her lust while a cadre of scientists wait breathlessly on the other side of the glass for her muffin to heat up. And she wasn’t mentally aroused?
Science wants to know: If the vagina says yes and the brain says no, Why? Every woman knows if your brain says no, it probably has a very good reason. No matter how cute our vagina thinks a guy is – our brain says “Wait. Be careful. First find out if the monkey is tamed.” It’s common knowledge that for a woman’s brain and vagina to be in complete agreement, everything must be perfect: Lights down low. Door locked. Sheets clean. Music soft. TV off. Everyone freshly showered. Dog outside. Nobody ate onions or beans. She doesn’t feel bloated or fat. Etc. Etc. Etc.
There was study a bunch of years ago (you can Google it – I don’t have time) where they found out that men thought about sex every 12 seconds whereas women thought about sex every New Year’s Eve. My theory about why men think about sex so much more often: Men look at and touch their wee wees every day to pee so they’re constantly reminded of sex. Conversely, women never see their genitalia unless they squat over a hand mirror. I haven’t seen mine in years. There’s no reason to look.
Next time a university wants to throw millions of research dollars at the subject “What Women Want,” they can just give me a call. I’ll tell them everything they want to know for half the price.
*No facts were checked in the writing of this article.
--30--
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Were the Huxtables THIS boring?
Were the Huxtables THIS boring?
by Karyl Miller
1/29/2009
MillerReport.blogspot.com
As all writers/couch potatoes and shut-ins know - when a story we’ve been following 24/7 on CNN winds down there’s a horrible letdown. So bye - bye Palin. Bye - bye W and all the big bad Bushies. I wanted them to go. Nay, I PRAYED for them to be gone. But now that they’re history, well, I miss them. These were assholes you could count on for your morning cup O’ rage, which I needed to draw my cartoon about. Now that our side got elected, I’m lost. Forgive me, but I have no experience in NOT being mad as hell all day.
Inauguration Day was like Christmas for Democrats. There were parties. Everybody was so stoked. But now Christmas is over and sadly, everything is going our way. We’ve had a fantastic first week: Gitmo’s closing; teaching contraception in 3rd world countries is allowed again; the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act was signed this AM by the President - yay! Things could not be better (or more boring). And what we are left with are the smart, beautiful and charming Huxtables – I mean Obama family. What’s a curmudgeon cartoonist to do?
--30--
by Karyl Miller
1/29/2009
MillerReport.blogspot.com
As all writers/couch potatoes and shut-ins know - when a story we’ve been following 24/7 on CNN winds down there’s a horrible letdown. So bye - bye Palin. Bye - bye W and all the big bad Bushies. I wanted them to go. Nay, I PRAYED for them to be gone. But now that they’re history, well, I miss them. These were assholes you could count on for your morning cup O’ rage, which I needed to draw my cartoon about. Now that our side got elected, I’m lost. Forgive me, but I have no experience in NOT being mad as hell all day.
Inauguration Day was like Christmas for Democrats. There were parties. Everybody was so stoked. But now Christmas is over and sadly, everything is going our way. We’ve had a fantastic first week: Gitmo’s closing; teaching contraception in 3rd world countries is allowed again; the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act was signed this AM by the President - yay! Things could not be better (or more boring). And what we are left with are the smart, beautiful and charming Huxtables – I mean Obama family. What’s a curmudgeon cartoonist to do?
--30--
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
First Daughters
Hi Friends, I'm trying a new look today - more like typical ed. 'toons
seen in the newspaper. What do you think? Karyl
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Stimulus Package II
Friends, Thank you for all your comments - both positive and negative, so keep 'em coming. Do it here http://www.millerreport.blogspot.com .I made it even easier. Karyl
Monday, January 26, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
American 'Toon cartoon #1
Yes it's me and I'm back at it! I do this for the feedback so PLEASE leave a comment on this website. Just click Comments and type in the little box provided! It's
that easy. TIA Karyl
Friday, January 16, 2009
Beyond The Palin Cartoon # 41
Hi Folks,
I just couldn't resist. Is it bad taste? I thought since nobody was killed in the crash it was funny, or at least timely.
Karyl
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Yes We Did cartoon # 40
Hi friends! Thanks to all of you who wrote and said you missed me and my 'toons. I'm back, but not on a daily basis. But I am SO HAPPY, SO HOPEFUL that the horrible reign of the assholes, liars, torturers, war profiteers and ignorers of our Constitution is OVER! I love your comments, so keep um coming. Karyl
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Beyond the Palin "Suddenly Sarah"
10/27/08
Undecided voters: Permit me one last try at to help you make your decision.
Close your eyes and imagine the USA is on the brink of economic disaster (I know it’s far-fetched, but bear with me). Jobs are disappearing, incomes are stagnant, and everybody seems to be running out of money and even losing their houses. McCain drops dead two weeks into his presidency (not at all impossible). Suddenly, Sarah Palin, housewife and small-town politician from Shit’s Creek, right-wing radical and religious fanatic, becomes President of the United States and leader of the free world. She lacks the qualifications, the knowledge and the intelligence to hold the highest office in the land. Period.
‘Don’t know much about history but when a country is at its lowest economic ebb, isn’t that when a crackpot dictator usually seizes control?
For some reason otherwise intelligent Republicans and Independents cannot see the difference between Palin’s spotty ho hum state (5 different ones) college record vs. Obama’s graduating # 1 in his class at Harvard. They can’t quantify her supposed great executive experience as a small-town mayor/first-time governor versus Obama’s being a professor of constitutional law, civic leader and a US senator. Really? This is the pile of perfumed horseshit the Republicans are inhaling to fool themselves into sticking with McCain (even though McCain made the unbelievably dangerous decision of picking a total lightweight like Palin to succeed him as President).
It’s time to face it Undecided people: As I suspected "Is She Smarter than a Fifth Grader?”, Sarah Palin is nothing but an actress. Now we know. What other profession has a hair stylist, makeup artist and personal wardrobe shopper on staff? Palin’s playing the part of VP candidate. In her introduction speech she warned us jokingly that she was a pit bull with lipstick. Turned out that was the last truth she spoke in the seven weeks we’ve known her. And she’s power hungry. If I was McCain, I wouldn’t go hunting with her, that’s for sure.
If you’re still on the fence, please take another hard look at the situation: McCain is 72, and has high blood pressure, an explosive temper, high cholesterol, and has had the deadliest type of cancer 4X! He only allowed glances at his most recent medical records. What’s he hiding? Is his erratic behavior related to the bucketful of prescription pills it’s rumored he takes every day? Is that why he gets flummoxed a lot just like grandpa?
Palin’s few unscripted moments revealed a total lack of knowledge of foreign policy, history and civics. She’s refused to even say what magazines and newspapers she reads. Why trust a person who’s evasive or worse - lying? Palin claims to be just an ordinary small town WallMart gal, but wears $150,000 designer outfits and stays in $700 a night hotel rooms. She also thought nothing of billing Alaska for many, many personal expenses. So, she’s already corrupt and hasn’t yet spent one night in D.C.
Please consider the many intelligent insiders like Colin Powell – both Republicans and independents, more knowledgeable than you or I, who have left McCain based on his age, health, and his reckless, cynical selection of replacement. And even tough Palin is only running for VP, let’s imagine the horror if McCain dies.
What more do you need to know? Just pick the candidate who’s obviously the healthiest, the smartest, most skilled, most sophisticated and most Kennedy-like diplomat: Barack Obama.
-30-
Undecided voters: Permit me one last try at to help you make your decision.
Close your eyes and imagine the USA is on the brink of economic disaster (I know it’s far-fetched, but bear with me). Jobs are disappearing, incomes are stagnant, and everybody seems to be running out of money and even losing their houses. McCain drops dead two weeks into his presidency (not at all impossible). Suddenly, Sarah Palin, housewife and small-town politician from Shit’s Creek, right-wing radical and religious fanatic, becomes President of the United States and leader of the free world. She lacks the qualifications, the knowledge and the intelligence to hold the highest office in the land. Period.
‘Don’t know much about history but when a country is at its lowest economic ebb, isn’t that when a crackpot dictator usually seizes control?
For some reason otherwise intelligent Republicans and Independents cannot see the difference between Palin’s spotty ho hum state (5 different ones) college record vs. Obama’s graduating # 1 in his class at Harvard. They can’t quantify her supposed great executive experience as a small-town mayor/first-time governor versus Obama’s being a professor of constitutional law, civic leader and a US senator. Really? This is the pile of perfumed horseshit the Republicans are inhaling to fool themselves into sticking with McCain (even though McCain made the unbelievably dangerous decision of picking a total lightweight like Palin to succeed him as President).
It’s time to face it Undecided people: As I suspected "Is She Smarter than a Fifth Grader?”, Sarah Palin is nothing but an actress. Now we know. What other profession has a hair stylist, makeup artist and personal wardrobe shopper on staff? Palin’s playing the part of VP candidate. In her introduction speech she warned us jokingly that she was a pit bull with lipstick. Turned out that was the last truth she spoke in the seven weeks we’ve known her. And she’s power hungry. If I was McCain, I wouldn’t go hunting with her, that’s for sure.
If you’re still on the fence, please take another hard look at the situation: McCain is 72, and has high blood pressure, an explosive temper, high cholesterol, and has had the deadliest type of cancer 4X! He only allowed glances at his most recent medical records. What’s he hiding? Is his erratic behavior related to the bucketful of prescription pills it’s rumored he takes every day? Is that why he gets flummoxed a lot just like grandpa?
Palin’s few unscripted moments revealed a total lack of knowledge of foreign policy, history and civics. She’s refused to even say what magazines and newspapers she reads. Why trust a person who’s evasive or worse - lying? Palin claims to be just an ordinary small town WallMart gal, but wears $150,000 designer outfits and stays in $700 a night hotel rooms. She also thought nothing of billing Alaska for many, many personal expenses. So, she’s already corrupt and hasn’t yet spent one night in D.C.
Please consider the many intelligent insiders like Colin Powell – both Republicans and independents, more knowledgeable than you or I, who have left McCain based on his age, health, and his reckless, cynical selection of replacement. And even tough Palin is only running for VP, let’s imagine the horror if McCain dies.
What more do you need to know? Just pick the candidate who’s obviously the healthiest, the smartest, most skilled, most sophisticated and most Kennedy-like diplomat: Barack Obama.
-30-
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Beyond the Palin cartoon # 30
Folks, here's a must-read re:How to Steal an Election in the current Rolling Stone
mag. See link below
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Completely Off Subject - Bonus Cartoon
Campaign's not the only thing going on. There's this.
Hahaha. Karyl
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Beyond The Palin cartoon #23
Jack said this 'toon was a low blow and beneath me, but you know that's not possible, right?
Karyl
Karyl
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Beyond the Palin cartoon # 20
Okay even my husband didn't entirely get this. How about you? Wanna take a guess?
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
VP Debate: She Was Strong, She Was Invincible, She Was Acting
VP Debate
Palin: She was Strong, She was Invincible, She was Act-ing!
by Karyl Miller
MillerReport.blogspot.com
HELP: I’m trapped in a Frank Capra movie and I can’t get out!
In 1939 Frank Capra directed one of the most popular populist movies of all time. In “Mister Smith Goes to Washington,” Jimmy Stewart, an average midwestern Joe, conquers corruption in Washington. You remember -- the kind of movie where your heart beats out of your chest with the wish that the Hollywood Ending were true?
Okay, well -- that was a loooong time ago. We know more now. We’re more sophisticated. We’re more cynical. Today we know the average jerk has a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming a celebrity -- that is, unless he has a YouTube account.
Ever since Kato Kalin, the division between the anonymous and the famous has become blurred. Every day another schmo, Joe or Josie Six Pack, becomes a media celeb. I blame American Idol and amateur internet porn. Thanks to that, any schlemiel can become celebrated with no merit whatsoever, or little merit if you count dressing a moose.
Open Confession to Katie Couric:
Katie I never forgave you for leaving Today, so I have rooted for you to fail as an anchorman. However, today I salute you for gently sticking it to Gov. Elusive!
Back in the old days, we used to say “Sisterhood is Power.” Well guess what? It STILL IS. So thank you Katie and Tina Fay and Amy Poehler! Keep it up! Comedy is a great revealer of truth. I also thank the women on the View for nailing McCain after he acted really, really Cheney-ish and lied to their faces.
Open Challenge for Second Vice-Presidential Debate!
I STILL have questions that didn’t get asked during the 1st VP debate --
questions only a career woman can ask another career woman; just like only a Jew can ask a Jew certain questions.
Need To Know PALIN FAQs. (Just the Facts Ma’m!)
Q. Who’s raising your kids while you play White House?
Q. Are you on birth control or are you going to pop one out of the oven every 10 months?
Q. Have you ever had PMS and if so, how bad?
Q. How do you put on model perfect eyeliner when you cannot see without your glasses?
Q. Will you release your most recent Lens Crafters prescription?
Q. Is there an actual Republican speech impediment where you guys can’t pronounce nuclear or are you all just copying the President so he seems less the dunce?
Q. Your spin-doctors keep saying you’re “The Most Popular Governor in America.” Why? I just Googled “Most Popular Governor in America,” and on the first page no less than 9 governors made that claim.
Q. And finally, forgetting McCain’s advanced age and reoccurring cancer possibly leading to his imminent death: How do we know you’re not going to “accidentally” shoot/kill him after an unusually wild inaugural ball? How do we know you haven’t already grown to hate the bully who famously and publically called his wife the C word?
-30-
Palin: She was Strong, She was Invincible, She was Act-ing!
by Karyl Miller
MillerReport.blogspot.com
HELP: I’m trapped in a Frank Capra movie and I can’t get out!
In 1939 Frank Capra directed one of the most popular populist movies of all time. In “Mister Smith Goes to Washington,” Jimmy Stewart, an average midwestern Joe, conquers corruption in Washington. You remember -- the kind of movie where your heart beats out of your chest with the wish that the Hollywood Ending were true?
Okay, well -- that was a loooong time ago. We know more now. We’re more sophisticated. We’re more cynical. Today we know the average jerk has a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming a celebrity -- that is, unless he has a YouTube account.
Ever since Kato Kalin, the division between the anonymous and the famous has become blurred. Every day another schmo, Joe or Josie Six Pack, becomes a media celeb. I blame American Idol and amateur internet porn. Thanks to that, any schlemiel can become celebrated with no merit whatsoever, or little merit if you count dressing a moose.
Open Confession to Katie Couric:
Katie I never forgave you for leaving Today, so I have rooted for you to fail as an anchorman. However, today I salute you for gently sticking it to Gov. Elusive!
Back in the old days, we used to say “Sisterhood is Power.” Well guess what? It STILL IS. So thank you Katie and Tina Fay and Amy Poehler! Keep it up! Comedy is a great revealer of truth. I also thank the women on the View for nailing McCain after he acted really, really Cheney-ish and lied to their faces.
Open Challenge for Second Vice-Presidential Debate!
I STILL have questions that didn’t get asked during the 1st VP debate --
questions only a career woman can ask another career woman; just like only a Jew can ask a Jew certain questions.
Need To Know PALIN FAQs. (Just the Facts Ma’m!)
Q. Who’s raising your kids while you play White House?
Q. Are you on birth control or are you going to pop one out of the oven every 10 months?
Q. Have you ever had PMS and if so, how bad?
Q. How do you put on model perfect eyeliner when you cannot see without your glasses?
Q. Will you release your most recent Lens Crafters prescription?
Q. Is there an actual Republican speech impediment where you guys can’t pronounce nuclear or are you all just copying the President so he seems less the dunce?
Q. Your spin-doctors keep saying you’re “The Most Popular Governor in America.” Why? I just Googled “Most Popular Governor in America,” and on the first page no less than 9 governors made that claim.
Q. And finally, forgetting McCain’s advanced age and reoccurring cancer possibly leading to his imminent death: How do we know you’re not going to “accidentally” shoot/kill him after an unusually wild inaugural ball? How do we know you haven’t already grown to hate the bully who famously and publically called his wife the C word?
-30-
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Open Letter to Women Against Palin
RE:Petition circulating web to remove Palin.
Dear WASP, I remain your loyal fan, however with all due respect, where's the button on your website that's for WomenAgainstPalin WhoWant Her To Stay In The Race - who disagree with your petition?
Why create a better ticket for the Republicans by asking Palin to step down now? You're hurting yourselves/the cause.
Tonight let America (and Repubs, in particular) see what kind of choices their Presidential candidate makes - who he thinks can replace him as leader (Eva Peron comes to mind) of his beloved America without sending
us into WWIII. Then they'll come to their senses and vote Democratic.
PS
Never thought I'd say this but : please pass this on to everyone in your mailbox otherwise you'll have bad luck.
Karyl Miller
MillerReport.blogspot.com
Dear WASP, I remain your loyal fan, however with all due respect, where's the button on your website that's for WomenAgainstPalin WhoWant Her To Stay In The Race - who disagree with your petition?
Why create a better ticket for the Republicans by asking Palin to step down now? You're hurting yourselves/the cause.
Tonight let America (and Repubs, in particular) see what kind of choices their Presidential candidate makes - who he thinks can replace him as leader (Eva Peron comes to mind) of his beloved America without sending
us into WWIII. Then they'll come to their senses and vote Democratic.
PS
Never thought I'd say this but : please pass this on to everyone in your mailbox otherwise you'll have bad luck.
Karyl Miller
MillerReport.blogspot.com
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Beyond the Palin cartoon #15
Posting a day early due to Jewish New Year at sundown. Have a happy one!
Karyl
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Jimmy Stewart for Prez
JIMMY STEWART FOR PREZ
By
Karyl Miller
9/25/08
http://www.millerreport.blogspot.com/
For weeks I’ve been sending out my Beyond the Palin left-leaning cartoons and blogs and exchanging further evidence with fellow Democrats that We’re making the right choice (and They’re not). I’ve been careful not to send anything to Republican friends because if a Repub friend started sending me the right-wing blogs and ‘toons, our friendship would surely be tested. Nevertheless, one of my ‘toons got sent to a Repub pal and I was soon confronted by my otherwise normal, sensible friend who told me Obama was actually a secret witch doctor, that he channels Malcolm X through his dental fillings, and that he honeymooned in outer space with Louis Farrakhan. All I could think was - This guy is never voting for a black man, period.
Maybe I’d be brainwashed too if I watched FOX “news” 24/7. Thankfully I have Keith Olbermann, Rachael Maddow, Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert to keep me unbiased and reasonable.
Maybe party affiliation is the new religion and trying to convert somebody would be impossible. I certainly could no more switch my political party than I could switch my religion and start beating myself with pom-poms, only instead of crepe paper they’re made out of chains. That would be ridiculous, IMHO.
However, most exasperating are the independents/Undecideds because this last leg of the campaign dog and pony show is all for them - the namby-pambies who can’t make a damn decision. Could the candidates be any more opposite? Doesn’t that make choosing a candidate EASIER? Yet they can’t decide. They’re like the fat lady sashaying back and forth past the sample cheese plate at Whole Foods, testing and retesting the munchies, wondering “which do I like more? Muenster or Cheddar? Obama or McCain? Which makes my tongue happiest?” I pity the poor candidates busting their humps to win the favor of these ninnies.
WHO ARE THE INDEPENDENTS AND HOW DID THEY GET THAT WAY?
A recent study, by me, surmises that Independent/undecided voters are overwhelmingly products of mixed marriages where the mother was a Democrat and the father a Republican or vice versa so the kids grew up not knowing WHO they were because they were constantly being torn apart to favor Mommy’s or Daddy’s candidate. So once these schizos finally take a stand, they’re automatically rejecting one of their parents, Freudianly speaking. So naturally, they’re postponing that ugly feeling till the last possible moment. One Woman On The Street on the Today show said she wasn’t going to decide till she closes the curtain in the voting booth. Wow! That is soo Freudian!
PHONE POLLS
Who the hell ISN’T hanging up on robocall phone polls? I’ve got zero time to answer any robocalls or sales pitches. So who DOES have the time? ANSWER 1. Old people who have no one else to talk but their TVs and their doctors. 2. Unemployed couch potatoes, drug addicts and drunks. They’ve got plenty of time and plenty of opinions – no matter how stupid; also it’s too late to call in to C-SPAN.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN ON THE STREET! He’s just some schlub who wants to be on TV. There are plenty of ordinary people only too happy to help feed the 24-hour newsmonster. I say, never be a performing monkey for the 5 o’clock news. Don’t give them the answer they keep trying to squeeze out of you because if you do – THAT could be the ONLY byte that MAKES THE AIRWAVES. And it will live in infamy.
FRIENDS, CAN WE BE SHALLOW FOR A MINUTE?
Barbara Walters and Lesley Stahl have a combined age of 210 years and yet they look fantastic! There’s no place in the media for ordinary looking people anymore and that goes for local (must be busty) weather girls, game show contestants and politicians. Everybody must be beautiful. The public has come to expect it.
Maybe we’re picking candidates based on their looks, but we’re unaware of it. Even if we were, who would say they voted for a candidate because “He was the cutest?” No one wants to be that shallow, but you’ve got to admit looks figure somewhat into the equation. If the Elephant Man was running for president, would you vote for him? Be honest!
IMHO McCain is a 1, the lowest rating on the beauty scale. Obama’s a 9 for being handsome in a black Jerry Lewis sort of way. Edwards went from a 10 to a 2 after he screwed the pooch. Mitt Romney is a 10+ because he looks like was drawn by Milton Caniff. If Dennis Kucinich looked like Mitt Romney, he’d be our candidate right now. Kucinich balanced out his ugly score by marrying a 10. Logic says a short ugly old guy couldn’t be elected president in these beautiful times. That’s why McCain hooked-up with Palin.
Palin won’t be the first pretty politician people fell for. Our first dumb president, hunky movie star Ronald Reagan, comes to mind. He pranced around in a cowboy outfit and convinced the American public he could play the part of governor and then president. Maybe what we’re looking for is a president who can give us a Hollywood ending – like Jimmy Stewart did in “It’s A Wonderful Life,” stopping the run on the banks and saving everybody’s mortgage. We want someone who can give us what we always get in fiction - a happy ending.
--30--
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
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